As a kid, Gloria Steinem and Wonder Woman promised me power in the world, but at 48, I’d yet to manifest anything besides a failing marriage and a rented single-wide trailer in Malibu.

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No man I worked for or pitched as a writer — and certainly not my Mexican father — championed women’s stories or my female brand of unique genius. But men in the workplace, in meetings, and in airports never hesitated to pitch an affair. I was smart, competent, and confused. Did I have a sign on my back that read, “Sucks at work, great in bed?” My husband of twenty years certainly didn’t think so. He preferred porn to my middle-aged muffin top. 

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I’d love to say it was “just men being men.” But deep down, I knew I had a men-agement problem. So after I left my marriage, I decided to turn the tide of testosterone to my advantage. Most people register on the notorious Ashley Madison, a website with 70 million married users, to find an affair. I joined not for sex but to use the onslaught of male attention to observe and reset my relationship with men.  

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Within twelve hours of writing my profile, I received 174 responses. In four months, I counted 500.  

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My solution may have been unconventional, but my reasoning was sound. Late Boomer and Gen X women thought we inherited a feminist’s dream but instead silently lived in a patriarchal “MeToo” work world that limited our professional lives and, in my case, taught me to fight rather than be feminine. Nothing came easy. Not work, not love. Not self-esteem. Add in the vestiges of dealing with my alcoholic father and the stank of polite racism, and you’ll find me, a woman longing for a life free from righteous anger, codependence, and the choir of doom living in my head. 

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I met ten married men and had a year-long love affair with one. Along my journey, I lost friends and confused my family, but learned to unravel my voices of doom, strengthen my feminine power and find my unfuckupable center.  Only then, could I navigate the world of men and love with confidence.  

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Unfuckupable is a book for women who have wondered why they are so smart and yet feel so lost. It’s for women who feel stuck in a world run by men and know they are meant for more.  It’s a book for women who love a good love story and a fast, fun read.